Legendary(?) Apple analyst Ming-Chi Kuo dropped a bomb overnight with some of the juiciest rumors we’ve had in a while. Let’s take a look at each one on the “Birchler Scale of Excitement,” which is the only scale I’m an expert in.

AirPower

1/10 excites

Holy shit it might actually be happening! Despite what some will tell you¹, this product’s troubled history might actually result in something shipping.

In the 18 months since I got a wireless charging iPhone though, I’ve gotten a few very nice wireless chargers that completely satisfy my needs, so I have next to no excitement to give this.

iPod Touch

0/10 excites

This is more of a personal thing, but I can’t think of another product in Apple’s lineup that I care less about than a new iPod Touch. Good for kids and people with specific needs, but this is no mainstream consumer product.

I will say that this is a good product for businesses that want to stick an iOS device in something like a barcode scanner. An iPhone is overkill for that, but an iPod Touch fits this need much better.

iPad

8/10 excites

What excites me here is the scope of iPad updates on the horizon. A new screen size (10.2”) for the normal iPad implies a new design, possibly closer to the last 10.5” iPad Pro, or even closer to the new Pro models. A new Mini excites me very little, but I’m happy if Apple feels like there is a market there for a smaller iPad.

And then the fact that we could get new iPad Pro updates within 12 months of the last upgrade is great news for that segment of the iPad lineup as well (better than the 18 months we’ve been used to).

All that said, I just upgraded my iPad and likely won’t be getting any new iPads this year, but a good year for iPads always makes me happy.

iPhone

5/10 excites

Those looking for a visual refresh are going to be let down, but I’m excited for better Face ID, better batteries, and a new wide angle lens. There’s also a rumor of the iPhone being able to wireless charge other devices, which I have to think will be just AirPods.

Nothing here is crazy, which is why I’m not over the moon for this rumor. Also, I’m ready for phone manufacturers to move beyond glass-backed phones. I know it’s good for wireless charging, but I’m ready for a new “unapologetically plastic” iPhone that I can trust more not to crack or be crazy slippery. Frosted glass might help with the slippyness, at least.

Pro Display

3/10 excites

This sounds very nice, but it’s not something I’ll ever buy myself. My lowly 2012 Mac mini certainly can’t drive it, and my iPad Pro might be able to, but even if iOS 13 allows for more useful desktop interfaces, I don’t see myself shelling out anywhere close to how much this thing is going to cost.

MacBook Pro

7/10 excites

Now I’m not a Mac guy anymore, but I am absolutely excited to see Apple do something to shake up their laptop lineup. They used to have the 17” model that creatives loved, but the market was too small to keep up with.

My wild guess here is that the 16” MacBook Pro will be marketed similarly to the iPhone X: “this product is the future of Macs, and we’re releasing this for early adopters at a wild price point now.”² I would expect it in a new body, new keyboard, and nearly bezel-less display.

But uh…can we get a 16” iPad Pro while we’re at it?